When You Just Don't Know

Well, this is just some shit I'm thinking of....What do you do when someone needs your help desperately and asks you for advice and you know what's right, but what's right isn't whats right to do to your friend. Your friend whose been there forever for you. You'd be basically betraying him and literally wrecking his life, but your ending another in the process. This doesn't really make sense to anyone, but it makes sense to me. I don't know why this suddenly hit me but I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I acted like I had no problem with what I was funding, but I knew all along I did, but I wanted what was best for them, but now I don't know I don't know what's right. I really don't. I feel like they'll be happier doing what they plan to do, but its not just there lives at stake. Jesus, I already made my decision though, its not too late to turn around, but it'd be wrong. I'd betray one of the only true friends I have. It's crazy. A week ago who would I thought this would be the situation. It's not the end of the world, but who knows, who knows what this life could bring to the world. What if I had been that life. Jesus, I just don't fucking know I really don't. I wish I didn't make such quick decisions I wish I thought out things more. I wish I could take my decision back, take my money back and wash my hands entirely clean of the entire situation. I like to think I can make my own decisions, whenever I make a decision it's always stupid and brash. I am reckless and its stupid. I guess standing by you decision is part of being a man, maybe I'm just a baby this isn't even really my issue I'm just loaning money I'm not truly taking part in anything. I'm just overthinking, I let stupid shit get in the way all the time. Why don't I look at this positively. Thank God, I wasn't one of those kids who never made it. Who were cut down before they ever left their mother's womb. No, that makes it even worse. Jesus, oh well. It's too late. My decision has been made. A man just learns to stand by them. I'll have to do the same. Nothing else to it.



....Out.